The Fourth King

and another

2012-01-17T00:03:00.002+05:30

fence sitter, no opinion

crony, lackey, little minion

follow rules, do what’s told

your little voice inside folds

vile & dark, hate thee so

yet by your cry, sway to and fro

ask no questions, tell no lies

onward march, with blind eyes

timid voice, submerged within

light that’s bound, unopened

to share, to sin; to sin, to be meek

no! be strong not weak

firm and silent, shut your mouth

open not, lest you leave no doubt

stoic and glaring, friend or foe

speak not till spoken to

take your life, make a stand

cross the road, don’t hold hands

threshold’s edge, go through the door

grow up son, child no more

an older one

2012-01-16T23:55:00.001+05:30

i once heard that the best way to live life is by doing something that scares you everyday. something that makes you nervous. something that you wouldn’t normally do. i guess it’s a way of testing your limits. learning who you are. looking deep into oneself maybe even. no, it doesn’t have to be something as extreme as bungee jumping or anything of the sort. learning how to drive. going up to the front of the class and giving a speech. using public transport on your own. asking out that girl you like. different things scare different people.

wednesday 20:32, september 10^th 2008.

i am definitely scared.

this whole business of interviews and group discussions terrifies me. i do not know how to sell myself.

interviewer: ‘so tell me about yourself joshua.’

me: ‘uh well…uh my name is uh… joshua moraes and i uh… bachelor um i mean…uh bsc stats…uh…first class?’

interviewer: ‘riiiight, so we’ll get in touch with you.’ *click*

and it’s not like i don’t do things that scare me.

playing on stage in front of a hundred people scared me. writing up a monologue and acting it out in front of class scared me. and god knows how scared i was when i asked a girl out. but this interview thing…this feels different. i can already hear a lotta people going

‘no you fool it’s the same thing’

‘of course it’s the same thing, you’re shitting bricks here, you’re shitting larger bricks there’

it’s a learning experience. you challenge yourself. you succeed. you fail. either way you keep walking, you keep going. you can’t climb the ladder of life without missing a step or two.

wednesday 20:55, september 10^th 2008.

it didn’t happen. big sigh of relief obviously.

kissing frogs

2010-08-14T11:26:00.003+05:30

to find your prince.

not literally of course. but it makes sense doesn't it?

the crescendo

2010-08-14T11:17:00.001+05:30

how much can you love someone?

how much is too much?

is there any limit to which the human heart can go, to which it can keep giving, until it can give no more?

do you love someone and is that it? Is that the end of it all? you hit that high and then stay there?

you know your favourite piece of music? the one that no matter how many times you listen to, gives you that weightless feeling inside? yeah that one.

there’s this one part in the song you really like don’t you? the crescendo. It keeps going, higher and higher, lifting you up with it, until at last you reach the peak and then... it’s over.

now imagine your favourite song with a crescendo that never ended, that just got better and higher and better again. never ceasing, never stopping.

that’s what i think love is like. or what it gets to be like when it really works.

sometimes it doesn’t. sometimes it does.

so no. i don't think there's a limit.

a bass

2010-02-12T13:44:00.001+05:30

a deep, sonorous, wonderful, loverly black bass guitar. heck the colour doesn’t matter too much. blue would do, maybe green, red. yellow anyone?

i should get off of my behind and really go get one.

a bass and a beard.

a deep, sonorous, wonderful, loverly bass guitar and a nice chunk of smooth and slightly long facial hair. evenly distributed of course. not the patchy one i have now.

can’t do much about that though.

a bass, beard and a band.

a deep, sonorous, wonderful, loverly bass guitar, a chunk of smooth and slightly long facial hair, and a 4 member multi talented, versatile band. something like a mix of led zeppelin, rhcp and extreme. yes, a slightly tough ask, but not impossible.

heaven help me on this one.

a bass, beard, band and the best sister in the world.

finally, the list gets a tick.

passion

2010-02-12T13:24:00.002+05:30

ripping a face off by yanking the roots of the hair on the head. i’ve read about it so many times before. and in the bible no less. i really want to see how that’s done.

gouging out the eyes too. scratching them out wouldn’t be too bad either. breaking fingers sounds painful, but probably isn’t as gory.

ah yes, pulling the finger nails out. sounds kinda trivial but i’m pretty sure it’s quite painful.

crushing someone’s throat in your hands. preferably someone or something small. something that can’t fight back. actually the size doesn’t even matter.

while the crushing is happening i would like to see their reaction. where would their hands go?

to the throat?

try to pry the hands off?

probably make more sense to go for the eyes of the guy who’s throttling you. or the groin. inflict as much pain as you can, distract them, get that vice like grip off of your throat.

that feeling’s probably as good as the feeling you get when you pee after holding the bloody thing in for a stupid 3 hour long educational session in an air conditioned hall. yes, a very relieving sensation.

all this adrenaline. it’s no wonder the world goes bonkers every once in a while. you control all this emotion, this anger within you. people keep pushing and pushing. you’re shoved and jostled and shoved some more. every moment of everyday and you keep holding back.

for days, months, years.

and suddenly, the ropes snap and the beast is free.

unfortunately, this feeling is but momentary. imagine feeling like this 24x7 about something you love. you’re constantly pushing yourself, urging yourself to go that one step higher and faster, urging yourself up that stupid hill. can’t go over it? fuck it, blow the damned thing up.

maybe this is passion.

i wish i had passion.

joy

2009-11-03T01:05:00.004+05:30

unadulterated

unfiltered

no holds barred sheer joy

the celebrations

the incredible adrenaline rush

the madness of it all

the problem is, to be able to feel that way, you’ve got to be prepared for the depths as well. to be able to feel those unexplainable moments of heaven, you’ve got to go through the worst pits of despair.

when we open ourselves up, to attachments, material, personal or otherwise, it opens the gate to a whole lot more. like a double edged sword.

remember that day? the best day you ever had? think about it. yeah, you do don’t you? the day when everything seemed right in the world. maybe you even felt you could do anything, absolutely anything you wanted to.

now imagine a day as dark as this day was awesome. sucked into the night. world falling apart. all alone. the universe conspiring against you. all of it.

why, why, why would you allow yourself to feel that? to put yourself through that?

just so that you get through it, and feel like this.

the copywriter

2009-10-22T01:52:00.002+05:30

i don’t write copy.

i bring dreams to life.

i like making grand and dramatic statements. some would argue that i need the appropriate actions to go with them.

i think all i need is a good accompanying soundtrack.

tasty

2009-10-22T01:43:00.001+05:30

or so i've heard. i don't think i've ever actually eaten licorice before.

licorice. i wonder how they came up with the name. i mean all these weird sounding ones. even the straight sounding ones. when you think about them they're actually quite intriguing. like a dongle. yes i can see your expression when you read that. know what it means? well it has nothing to do with what you think it does. but imagine walking up to a girl and asking her

"hey! wanna see my dongle?"

not very good. Plus she'd probably kick you in the place where you think your dongle's supposed to be.

but coming back to licorice. it doesn't even have anything to do with rice does it? then why call it that? is it a kinda rice you can lick? doubt it. when does rice taste so good? well actually it does sometimes. with chicken. and potatoes. and some curry. mmmmmmmmm...

i like being random and arbitrary.

genius

2009-10-21T23:41:00.004+05:30

what do you do when you’ve outdone not just yourself, but almost every single person in your field? set the bar that much higher, pushed the standard a notch further.

what do you do when all everyone else can is sit back and marvel at it all. a masterpiece; one of its kind.

what do you do when there’s only one word that can appropriately describe what you’ve just done?

yeah. me too.

the gradual acceptance of beauty

2009-09-22T22:02:00.002+05:30

or can it be called that?

i may meet someone i think is ugly or, to put it politely, not good looking, but to a someone who has known the ugly person for a while, they could be the most beautiful human in the world.

i guess it’s based on getting to know people. you’ve been with them so long you actually judge their looks on the basis of their personality. their traits actually take on a physical appearance.

and it works the other way as well. How many times have you thought a guy or a girl was good looking until you got talking and got to know them better?

yeah. that’s what i thought.

almost

2009-09-22T21:59:00.001+05:30

how can a day that was almost kissing distance from perfection, end with such a bitter taste in the mouth?

like a soap opera. not even as bad as one. but just about there.
not a perfect day. but it came close.
not even a bad day. but it threatened to become one.

but could this day have been better than it was? despite all this anger and frustration at the end of it.

yes. it could’ve. but not by much. not by much at all.

like i said. kissing distance.

almost.

the stink

2009-08-20T04:07:00.002+05:30

my adidas shirt stinks. all the time. through no fault of mine, mind you.

wash it, wash it again, wash it some more. and, like the uninvited ex who’s still infatuated with you and insists on gate crashing your wedding despite the numerous threats of court restraining orders, the stupid stink keeps coming back for more.

have i vented enough spleen? probably not, but that should do.
the work beckons.

happiness

2009-08-20T04:01:00.003+05:30

wouldn’t it be awesome to be able to just float away? to be one day not just free of all your troubles, but to have absolutely everything going your way?

wouldn’t it?

yes. it would.

changing the world, one ass kicking at a time

2009-07-20T00:04:00.009+05:30

his name is dave trott.

he’s an award winning copywriter and his blog is interesting too. it’s the way he links incidents around him to advertising. he’ll start off on this random story which usually is kinda interesting, go off into a weird tangent and then bring it back to advertising and suddenly it’s not such a random story anymore. well advertising is supposed to be a reflection of life i guess.

one of the characters that keeps popping up is his sister. he talks about her a lot. and she seems like one of those in your face, correcting all the wrongs in the world through brute strength all by herself kinda people.

but what really gets to me is that all these things that she keeps doing, chasing muggers, beating the crap out of impolite smokers… it’s all stuff that i think about doing.

everyday.

i see this bugger cut across us in the car and i feel like overtaking him, forcing him to pull over and smashing his face on his bonnet. i see a guy spit on the road and i want to grab his head and make him lick it all up again. but that’s all it ever remains. a thought.

and that’s what really fascinates me. i doubt i’ll ever be like his sister, but i really want to meet someone just like her. someone who’s sitting with me in the car when that bugger cuts across. and just like my dream we over take the poor soul, force him to stop, and i watch as my driving partner introduces the schmuck’s nose to his car’s carburettor.

ouch.
that would hurt.

oh and he seems more than infatuated with new york.

maybe i should visit it one day.

2009-07-17T00:24:00.002+05:30

It was raining.

A funny rain. The kind of rain that's cool to touch, but makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It wasn't clear, but a minty green. He extended his arm outside the window and caught a few drops in his palm.

The shadows momentarily lifted from his face as lightning streaked the sky. The Minister was a troubled man. He was a thinker, not a leader. And yet, here he was at the forefront.

He needed advice. Someone he could turn to. Someone who would lend him a helping hand.

*CRASH*

His hand went to the hilt of his sword as he turned swiftly. His eyes narrowed. Who would...oh

The Jester. Grinning. Him and his stupid shoes again.

'Why did he insist on wearing them?'

The Minister rubbed his temples gingerly. This was not going to be easy.

Mental note: Find a new Jester.

courage

2009-07-17T00:16:00.003+05:30

u know whats the toughest thing to do in life?
what?
what?
taking responsibility for urself
by which i mean for ur own peace of mind and happiness
yeah?
not blaming anyone or anything else
why'd you say that all of a sudden?
thats not important
if u gather up the courage to do that... nothing will take ur peace of mind ever
it requires taking a lot of uncomfortable decisions
and walking down random paths
yeah
courage
lots of it man
oohhh yeah
i find that hard to do
trust me its not easy for anyone
but ppl who can manage are the strongest characters around
spend time with them... it will rub off

when we were younger, my little sister and I would often fight. most of them ended up with her in tears and running to my mother exclaiming, “he made me cry”.
my mother would always respond in the same way. “no one can make you cry. you cry because you want to cry.”
no one can make you feel unhappy or sad or good about yourself. you can let people influence your emotions and affect the way you react in some way. but in the end, it’s all up to you. which most people find hard to accept. realising that and taking responsibility for it. now that’s hard. or maybe its just me.

i find that hard to do.

2009-05-17T02:54:00.004+05:30

A pie

Of all the things in the world. At this hour of the night. Where would he get it from?!

Where?! Where was the damn pie?!

And even if he did find one there'd always be something wrong with it. And yet he searched.

He trudged on unsteadily, his stupid hat jingling all the way. The pointed shoes (which were mandatory as per law 24, article 3c which was enacted after the Great Yellow buttoned polka dotted pink underwear incident) impeded his walk and regularly reacquainted his nose (quite red already) with the stone floors of the castle.

The King had been missing for more than a week now. Ever since he met those buggers of the Wah Ching, a change had come over him. Muted, more quiet than before. Not that he spoke much anyway. Or had anything of value to say either.

But of course the Jester kept such opinions to himself.

Two weeks after seeing the Winogradsky Columns, the King mysteriously vanished. Of course most blamed the War Chiefs.

Personally the Jester liked his absence. No more idiotic announcements like the last one. And it also meant that the Minister was in charge. Much smarter chap. Better sense of humour too.

Now, where was that pie?

He trudged on.

2009-04-09T01:06:00.002+05:30

One, two, three... testing.

And so, he stretched forth his hand and declared that his thoughts be open. That his every whim and desire, both insipid and inspired be free. That his shortcomings and failures, his triumphs and his conquests be no more hidden by the veil. That his ideas and insights, both moronic and brilliant, be not held within.

That this be an extension of who he was, who he is and who he aspired to be.

And having thus spoken, he settled himself upon his throne.